sunrise and solace
by belle parole
Summary: the sun's coming up, and tony helps peter out / warning for anxiety


Peter loves staying at the Avengers Facility. It's great — he gets to work on edits to his suit with Mr. Stark, he gets to train with _Captain America_ , his _childhood crush,_ and it's just nice to be in an environment where there's other superheros — other people that _understand_ him.

Except Peter can't sleep there.

It's a stupid thing, really. He can sleep fine in his apartment with May. He feels _safe_ there. Something about being in the same apartment as her… It's just calming.

Being in the Avengers Facility just reminds Peter about what he _does_ everyday — fighting crime, knowing that each patrol could be his last.

It's stupid that he feels less safe surrounded by Avengers — Earth's mightiest _heroes_ — but when he goes to bed, his anxiety starts to crawl up his stomach and keep him awake. He can't stop thinking about everything he's been through as Spider-man. Fighting against the Vulture, against Thanos, against the _other Avengers_. He keeps on thinking of endless scenarios where he doesn't come on top. He keeps on thinking about how, one day, he won't be able to save the people he'll love. He'll _fail_.

Tonight, he's sitting on the roof of the building, his feet dangling off of the edge.

He doesn't know what time it is — he stopped checking at around 3AM, but he can see the sun slowly begin to rise. Peter knows that if he doesn't at least _try_ to sleep, he's going to be a wreck for the rest of the weekend.

Still, he knows that it's not going to happen anytime soon, so he just stares at the sky, letting his anxieties consume him, for once.

He's feeling especially panicky from a patrol he had the other day — it had been a simple robbery and it was easy enough to stop, but the robber had a _gun_ and he had pointed it right at Peter and if Peter hadn't dove away he would be _dead_ and what if that happened with someone else? What if the gun was pointed at someone else? Could Peter have saved them? Is he going to be able to save anyone? Is he ever going to be a good enough superhero?

Peter can feel his heartbeat quickening and he can feel the panic rising in his throat and he _doesn't know what to do he just wants it to stop stop stop stop everything just stop can it stop can his brain stop can the world just stop just stop stop —_

"Kid?"

Peter whips around so fast, startled by the noise, he almost falls off of the roof. Catching himself and straightening up, he can see Mr. Stark standing by the door, his expression a mix of concern and confusion.

"Oh, hey, Mr. Stark," Peter says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Beautiful sunrise, right?"

His voice cracks.

He can feel tears prickling at the corner of his eyes and he will _not_ cry. He has no reason to cry and Peter will be damned if Mr. Stark deems him too unstable to continue staying at the Avengers Facility.

"Did you go to sleep at all, Pete?" Mr. Stark asks, looking deep into Peter's face. Peter stares right on back, and he just _can't_ lie to him.

"No," he admits, stepping a little bit away from the roof.

"What's up?" Mr. Stark asks, his voice _soft._

Peter blinks. There are still tears threatening to spill out of his eyes.

"I just couldn't sleep," Peter says. God, he's so close to just panicking. Every part of his body just wants to _stop_. Maybe it _would_ be better if he couldn't come back. Then he could with May and he could be safe and fine and he could actually _sleep_ and not feel like he's about to panic.

"Pete," Mr. Stark says, a small frown on his face, "only I'm allowed to stay up unhealthily late."

Peter lets out a little tiny laugh — he _did_ think it was a little funny — but his mind's suddenly having trouble focusing on anything but panic.

Peter takes a few more steps forward and Mr. Stark must meet him in the middle, because before he knows it, Peter is leaning into Mr. Stark and a few tears are leaking out.

"I just feel so anxious, _all the time_ ," Peter whispers.

Mr. Stark is stiff at first, like he doesn't know what to do, but then his arms are wrapped around Peter and he's hugging him back.

"Hey, Peter," Mr. Stark says, his voice still low, "let's just sit down."

Pulling away from Peter, Mr. Stark sits down on the ground, cross-legged, and yanks on Peter's hand. Peter sits down as well.

"You remember when those aliens attacked New York?" Mr. Stark asks, look forward to the sunrise.

"Yeah," Peter says with a little chuckle, trying to take deep breaths. How could he forget it? He thought it was the coolest thing at the time, while May and Ben were getting increasingly stressed at the battle raging right near them. Peter, even from the next borough over, even on the fourth floor of their apartment, could still feel the ground shake at the battle raged on.

"After the whole thing was over," Mr. Stark says, sounding almost nostalgic, "I got really bad panic attacks all the time."

Peter looks over at Mr. Stark, because…

Well, because he's _Mr. Stark._ He's Iron Man. He doesn't deal with something as stupid as panic attacks. Peter panicking is him being stupid, he knows it. Still, he doesn't voice this thought.

Instead, Peter asks, "And?"

"And then I realized that I wasn't alone and they got better," Mr. Stark says with a tiny glance to Peter.

Peter has to stop himself from snorting, because he _knows_ he's not alone. He has May, and Mr. Stark, and every Avenger ever. It's not that he doesn't have the people, it's that his problems aren't theirs to deal with.

"Well, I let myself realize that they have big enough shoulders to carry some of my problems as well," Mr. Stark continues, as if reading Peter's mind.

Peter doesn't know what to say.

"Pete," Mr. Stark says, sounding urgent. "I'm always here for you. It's okay to need someone. I've been _through_ this. It gets better."

Peter lets out a little sharp laugh, because he's not sure he believes that.

"And if it doesn't?" he asks, swallowing hard.

"You're strong enough to deal with it," Mr. Stark says, looking over at Peter.

His eyes show that he really, one hundred percent, believes that.

Peter looks back at the sunrise, swallowing again.

Maybe he should try and believe that, too.


End file.
